News!

I never used to read the news. I got bored very quickly by it all. Economics was above me, world news slipped right past me. In fact, I could time a news bulletin perfectly when I was younger to find myself entering the room just as the sports headlines were being read out. It's about 22 minutes into the 6 o'clock news, if you're wondering.

As I got a bit older, I'd flick through the papers in my house, only really pausing on the Sports pages long enough to check that United's dominance was continuing and checking the Sunday supplement for any problem pages. I love problem pages. I'd like to take Dear Deirdre out for a meal.

I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or because I've been living abroad and have a greater desire to feel connected to events in the West, but I now peruse the news websites on a daily basis and devour every item I can get my clicking finger on. I love it. But, at the same time, I really really hate it. It's depressing, it exacerbates fear and dread, and it's not to be trusted due to certain networks following a strict political agenda.

However, you can worry about that no longer. Because I, Smithy, have come to the rescue. Don't bother clicking on BBC or CNN or any of that nonsense. I'll bring the news to you live and regular, on a semi weekly basis, with my own unique slant on things. If it's uninformed and ill-researched satire you are after, then look no further.

After all, my site is ranked 27,626,402 in the world. You can't argue with those figures now, can you?

So, let's look at what's going on today, shall we?

The most shocking story of the day is the French supporting the US in their push to force the UN to take sanctions against Iran. This is part of the West's global plan to arm ourselves whilst disarming others and is, as far as I can tell, the equivalent of cutting off your enemy's willy so he can't sleep with your girlfriend. Shock, bloody horror that the French are supporting the Americans. In fact I can't remember a single other time in history when that has happened. Ever. To be fair though, Ahmadinejad is a maniac and it is in the planet's best interest to keep nuclear weapons out of his hands. It would just be nice if we had something more powerful than the UN to make that happen. We might as well throw daisies at him.

Sometimes, I'll read something in the news that will make me so happy that my kids actually learn some English that day. This happened last week when I saw the report about the US retired General John Sheehan claiming that the Sreberenica massacre in Bosnia in 1995 was caused because some of the Dutch army "were gay". Now, I don't know what the Sreberenica massacre is. I only know that Bosnia was somewhere that Blue Peter cared about in the 90s. But the fact that a former American soldier can make such a ludicrous statement to a senate discussion on homosexuality in the Army made me smile for the rest of the day. Unbelievable. Anyway, he's apologised today. Justified? Yes. Believable? No. If he said it in such a high-profile setting then he obviously meant it. Anyway, an American Army General making homophobic comments? Shocking! I'd be more surprised if he hadn't.

On a related note, Ricky Martin has announced he is gay. Err...what? Did I miss a meeting here? Ricky Martin makes Prince Charles look straight! Miss Canadia and I were discussing Ricky Martin's love of golden showers the other day (it was in Q, okay?), before this groundbreaking announcement on his sexual preference, and I was explaining to her that it isn't that weird because he's gay and they're a kinky bunch. Miss Canadia said that Ricky Martin was not gay but, if he was, that would make it more perverted.

What say you, dear reader? Is a gay golden shower more perverted than a straight golden shower?

Anyway, Ricky Martin's gay. And, in other news, the Pope's Catholic, bears do shit in the woods and the French support the US.

Oh, and speaking of the Pope. How about you perpetuate a stereotype Popey? As if Catholic priests don't have a bad enough rap, why not cover up years of abuse of poor little German boys? Scary.

Finally, and on a more serious note, the bombings in Moscow this week and the sinking of a South Korean naval ship were the biggest stories over here due to Korea's proximity to Russia and the mysterious circumstances and tragic deaths of the Korean navymen. 46 men are still missing from the ship that appears to have been blown in two and, despite South Korea's assertions that they may have survived in pockets of oxygen under the water, things are starting to look bleak. The press are playing down the idea that it may have been an attack by the North (despite the explosion taking place almost directly south of the maritime border) and suggesting it could have been a mine left over from the Korean War or even an explosion from within the ship. Personally, I would be worried if it did turn out to be an attack from the North as retaliation would almost certainly be expected but we'll have to wait and see. The two sides have been bumping chests together for years and, despite frequent threats from the North, nothing ever seems to happen. This would be the first time that such a high number of lives had been lost, however. If it were the North, it would be an act so bold that it would border on stupidity to fire unprovoked on a South Korean ship, protected so strongly as the South are by the US. I doubt it was them. But, then again, what do I know? If there was the slightest hint of violence between the two countries, I'd be on a plane so fast I'd leave dust in my wake. Dirty, nasty, yellow dust.

So, that's it for the first edition of Smithy's news. In fact, it was so poor, it may well be the last.

Love, Smithy x

A Disappointment

I had a mild hangover this morning. A dinner of Ouae (essentially, Korean sushi) was rinsed down by more than a couple bottles of Baeksaeju (a cheap and not-particularly-cheerful rice wine) and I had a headache of around a 6.3/10 this morning as a result. I overslept and missed breakfast and subsequently found myself on the bus, swaying, and fantasising about what I'd eat if I was in the Real World.

When I find myself doing this of a morning, two words begin to bounce randomly around my brain, interrupting my every thought.

Sausages...bacon.....sausages...bacon....

I can get bacon here. I could even get it last year. It's not the same though. It's not even nearly the same. I can also get sausages here, but they are expensive, bland and simply not thick enough. I like a bit of girth on my sausage. That's right, you heard it here first -

Korea simply does not have enough girth on it's sausage.

I found myself thinking about the fry-ups I'd make back home. I am something of a cooked-breakfast King. Ask my boy, Teh. I cook up a mean one.

You have to think in advance before you start on a fry-up, because everything becomes just the right amount of greasy at different times. Get everything that you require on the table in front of you. Turn the radio on.

You should bang your hash browns in the oven first, as they take the longest. From the moment the oven door shuts, you have 18-20 minutes to make it right.

You should have more bread than you know what to do with. This is important. A minimum of 3 slices should be prepared (2 to be toasted, 1 to be fried) but more can be added at will. Stack your bread by the toaster. Timing here is crucial.

Bang a couple* of sausages in a frying pan and get them going nice and slowly. Don't be a prick and prick them. Let those bangers be. Personally, I'll throw my quartered (button) or whole (baby) mushrooms into the pan with the sausages and pepper them like a sex-attacker. Mushrooms soak up moisture (i.e. fat) and if your mushrooms taste of bacon and sausage then this is no bad thing.

Give the bangers 5 minutes before you flip your hash browns and get started on your bacon. If it's in a red packet, indicating it to be smoked, then throw it out of the window and kill yourself. If it's in a nice blue packet, tear it open with a fork and bang a couple** of rashers in a different pan. This pan should be hotter than the sausage pan to get the rashers cooked nice and quickly. We want the fat out of these bad boys. What else would we cook our eggs in?

Put the kettle on. Choose your TV channel. Acquire both brown and red sauce. Prepare your cutlery. Remove the butter from the fridge and stick a knife in it. And if you insist on having beans with it, then drain that juice off. It makes my bread go soggy. No no no no NO!

We're getting to the business end of proceedings. Your kitchen should be smoky and smelling of grease. If it doesn't, you're doing it wrong, and you should add more meat. When the bacon is cooked, pick the rashers out of the pan and lay them on top of the mushrooms in the sausages' pan. To the sensually-brown bacon fat, add a little knob of butter and get the heat back down. In this, you shall cook your eggs. Crack 'em and leave 'em. Treat them like you would your kids. They have to make their own mistakes. Let the whites go where they will. Trust them to do right. But don't crack the yolk. You might as well throw everything else away if you do that.

Bang the toast down.

Grab the largest plate you can find and start stacking food onto it. Sausages first, bacon to the side of them, mushrooms scattered around them like Durex wrappers at an orgy. When the egg yolks only slightly wobble, slide them carefully onto your plate and slap your bread into the pan to fry in all that fat. The toast will jump up into your hand for the buttering. Do it instantly. Ensure it melts into the bread. Cut into triangles. Stick rectangles up your arse.

Add the hash browns at the end and carry it carefully to the battlefield.

Add sauce.

Consume.

Oh, baby...

It was with these thoughts that I completed my teaching day and meandered down to the lunch-room for my daily dose of heartbreak.

There was a fucking fish-head in my soup.

Love, Smithy x

* For 'couple' read 3
** For 'couple' read 4

What is there to do in Wales, anyway? Shepherd?

I'm moving to Wales in 5 months. La Canadiana wants to be a teacher and, despite my warnings that she'll have to wear a suit of armour to do so in the UK, she still has ambitions beyond the Korean classroom.

We'll be well and truly done with the Republic of Kimchi by the time moving day comes along. We're well and truly done already, truth be told. But we have to squeeze this Won-soaked sponge for as much as we can muster before fleeing from this peninsula like the Japanese warriors before us.

I know nothing about Wales. Ryan Giggs - that is where my give-a-shit starts and bloody ends. I may have been to Llandudno a couple of times when I was a kid, and I've certainly been to that place with the world's longest Train station name (Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch - thanks, Google) but I've no idea what it's going to be like to live there. Maybe it won't be any different. Maybe it will be full of Welsh people.

It's a bilingual country (English and Gibberish) meaning the signs will be in 2 languages and the people will speak with an accent that is sort of normal but not quite, so my Canadian girlfriend should feel right at home. They use the Pound, of course, so everything will be 3 times as expensive as it should be. It rains all the time but fuck it. I'm from Bury, I'm sure I'll cope.

God knows what I'm going to do when I get there. I'll be fairly keen not to throw away every single penny I've saved in Korea so employment will be in order. I'll want to acclimatise myself and get in the good books with the locals, so I'll probably start out dealing smack. You know, supply and demand and all that. After that, who knows? Car salesman? Pimp? Or a shepherd, like the gay one from Glee suggested? The sky's the limit.

Realistically, I'll be trying to get work experience in Journalism, paid or unpaid, in whatever field I can get in at and try and earn some money making pornos on the side. Big money in Ginger-porn, so I've heard.

So, family, don't be concerned. I've chosen my next exit on the endless round-a-bout of life. I'm going to be a smack-selling porn star in Cardiff with a sideline in unpaid Journalism.

Congratulations!

Love, Smithy x

Obama Drama, Veetle and My Favourite Korean

So, Obamacare was passed. Give a shit, right? I don't know, some of the Americans on my facebook have been going up in arms about it. A friend of a friend was posting comments about the Democrats having the Consitution being re-printed on toilet paper as that is clearly the amount of respect they have for it yada yada yada. I don't even know how this bill is unconstitutional. Can somebody explain that to me? It is clearly an attempt by the President of the United States to make life better for the residents of his country. Isn't that his job? I'm glad that it went through. But what the hell will Fox News talk about now? I'm sure they'll think of something.

My cable-lady offered me an alternative cable package in order to provide me with SBS Sports, the only channel that carries the live Premier League games in Korea. And what was the alternative package? A ₩100,000 dish installed onto the apartment and my signature on a 3-year subscription to QOOK TV.

"Is that ok, Mr Andrew?"
"You can QOOK off darling, if you'll pardon my French".

Anyway, my good friend Wareing was telling me the other day about Veetle, a website he uses to stream snuff movies and hidden cameras.

"Can this be used to watch football as well, Wareing?" I asked.
"I don't know mate, worth a try," he said.

I recently purchased an S-video cable to link my laptop to the TV which, after a little twiddling, was working fine, so I could see the potential for something great, providing I could find the stream.

Fast forward to Sunday evening. It's United v Liverpool in the Premier League. A shitty cold has left me unable to go to the bar to watch the game. Time to give Veetle a try.

Within 5 minutes I was lay on my sofa, bottle of beer in hand watching a glorious Sky Sports montage of past United v Liverpool games. It was wonderful. I watched the build-up with that cockney wide-boy Jamie Redknapp, then sat back and let Andy Gray's biased commentary wash all over me. It was like being at home. The stream stayed clear throughout the whole game, the colour was near-perfect, the audio superb. I was in heaven. The fact that I am now paying ₩50,000 a month, for cable that I only purchased in order to watch a channel that I can't receive, no longer mattered.

It was a rubbish game, though. A blistering first 15 minutes saw Britney Spears head Liverpool into the lead and Javier Mascherano escape a blatant red card whilst giving away a penalty that Wayne Rooney converted at the second attempt. The rest of the game was a scrappy affair. Liverpool created nothing, nor did they try to, and the purported threat of Steven Gerrard and Britney Spears was nullified by the unsung heroes of Darren Fletcher and Ji Sung Park. Then, around the hour mark, these two combined to put United in the lead. It was a great goal and deserved from Park who had arguably been United's best player. Alex Ferguson once said that if Park could score goals he would be one of the best players in the world and he's right. He's a legend. He never stops running, he can tackle and pass with the best of them and is continually making dangerous runs into the box. He just can't shoot. Yesterday though, he stepped up in a big game as he always does and threw himself at the ball to score the winner, getting kicked in the face by Snoop Dogg's gay cousin in the process.

Brilliant.

I crept into the bedroom, careful not to wake Miss Canadia but doing so anyway, and lay awake for a good half hour still buzzing from the performance. I've got some bad nights' sleep to get through in the coming months, starting with a couple of 3:45 am get-ups for the Champions League quarter-finals next week. I'll cope though. I can't wait, in fact. Because I can already feel history being made.

4 Premier League titles in a row. 3 Champions League finals in a row.

And more League titles than the Scousers.

I can feel it.

Love, Smithy x

National Health, Surely?

This 'Obamacare' issue has them in a right tizzy over at Fox News. I tuned in to catch the end of Bret Baier's interview with Ol' Barry-Oh this morning. I am becoming a bigger and bigger fan of this news network. Bret Baier is hilarious. He actually looks like Ron Burgundy. He acted like a student Journalist who had been told to go in to the White House, ask some questions and give the President a hard time. And Obama gives him the amount of respect that situation would deserve. You can see it in his eyes, "You, my friend, are an idiot. But your network has a lot of viewers so I have to answer your stupid questions". I find it hard to be objective here because whenever I watch Barack Obama I find myself swooning at how damn cool he is, but he comes across just as eloquent and intelligent as Baier comes across uninformed and ignorant. Give it a watch.



I've tried very hard to get my head around this health care bill. It baffles me. I find the whole thing very interesting because it is a cultural difference between the US and the UK that I have never truly understood - how can a person possibly go untreated for an illness simply because they can't afford it? How can that be allowed to happen? Or, if they are able to scrape the money together somehow, how can the Government sit back and allow their residents to go bankrupt or lose their homes because they got sick. Getting sick is just something that happens isn't it? People get sick and need treating. So they should be treated. Regardless of how much they earn.

I know it isn't as simple as that. America has a health care system that has been in place for years and works to a large extent. Your ability to get affordable health care comes down to your ability to maintain employment and there is a logic to it. Hard-working Americans get health insurance for their families and if you don't have a job, well, why should you be subsidised by the people that do? There is a logic to this way of thinking, I'll admit. I disagree with it, but what does my limey arse know? It has been working for a long time. Why change it?

Obama's health care plan would put control into the hands of the Government and make it a legal requirement for an American citizen to possess health insurance. It would take power away from the corporations who currently control (literally) people's lives, and put it into the hands of those kindly fellows in Washington. A lot of opposition to the Bill has come from people raising issues of trust and asking why Washington should have the power to decide what is covered and what isn't. My (American) mate Matt put it rather eloquently by saying that he trusts the Government a heck of a lot more than he trusts corporations who have a clear agenda when it comes to paying out for health care. I would whole-heartedly concur.

I was speaking to my old high school friend Stacey who left England for the States after meeting and marrying a Marine and now currently resides, with her husband and daughter in the glorious sunshine of San Diego, making her very easy to hate. We were discussing this Bill from the perspective of people brought up on the good ol' NHS and who found the concept of paying for medical care alien (I think Stacey put it rather nicely with the phrase, 'DUH! Sick person: treat them'). She was saying to me that to really get your head around Obamacare you'd have to have a better understanding of the American health care system as it is currently and, even after living Stateside for a number of year, she couldn't admit to comprehending it fully. She also told me how, being US military as she is, Americans expected her to object to the idea of paying for other people's treatment as she would be required to under Obama's Bill. This simply isn't the case. As an American citizen, her opinion is totally valid, although swayed as it is by her youth in the UK. I wonder how many of her neighbours share her views.

A major argument for the opponents of the Bill is that it will cost money the country simply cannot afford. $971 billion over 10 years. Or more. 1/6 of America's economy, in fact. Hey, guess how much has been spent or approved to be spent by America on the illegal Iraq War, up to and including September of this year? $900 billion.

So...let me work this out...

$971 billion - $900 billion = $71 billion! For new health care? That's a bargain!

In fact, I reckon Obama could probably get it done for a clean $70 billion. That'll leave an extra billion to keep this dickhead in doughnuts for another year.

As I've said, I've tried very hard to understand the new proposals and I really, really don't. I understand enough, though, to realise that any country's health care system that is allowing legal residents to die of treatable diseases needs changing up. I hope the Bill gets passed. And Barry, with his big brown eyes, says it will be. So I believe him.

Love, Smithy x

It's a Cultural Thing

My mate Steve was having a good old whinge at lunch today about his co-teacher and the lack of communication between them. He gave as an example a time when he asked to learn the dates of his upcoming vacation and he was told that he would be informed of it 'the month of'. Another time, after he had asked his co-teacher for information and she had been unforthcoming, he had contacted his parent company for the same information and received for his trouble a bollocking for going over his co-teacher's head.

In his troubles, he is not alone.

I'd say the most common complaint I hear from other expats in this country is the piss-poor communication within the workplace and the huge lack of productivity that occurs as a result of it. If we consider for the sake of argument that not one of the people who comes to teach on this peninsula will learn enough Korean to get by, then there are clearly going to be communication problems due to language. This is unavoidable. However, it goes much further than that. It runs much deeper. It descends into the realms of the dreaded cultural difference.

Korea isn't a particularly religious country, split pretty much 50/50 between Christianity and Buddhism as it is, because no God could ever be as important as Grandpa. Let's have a look at the social pecking order in Korea -

1. Old Korean males
2. Old Korean females
3. Middle-aged Korean males
4. Middle-aged Korean females
5. Young Korean males
6. Young Korean females
7. White males
8. White females
9. Dogs
10. Black males
11. Black females
12. Belly-button fluff
13. The Japanese

This social ordering is based on Confucian beliefs of which I understand too little to explain in any great detail. It essentially comes down to your social status determining everything from the way in which you are spoken to to the order in which you get to eat your food. Men are deferred to in almost all situations and, when two Koreans meet (or even when a Korean meets a foreigner) the first item on the agenda will be to establish age. They might do this discreetly (by asking for their year of graduation, for example) but more often will just ask outright, 'How old are you?' By getting this information, they are establishing who has the social status and will thenceforth act accordingly.

There is also the hugely important 'face-saving' to be taken into consideration and the way this effects your life in Korea is very hard to explain. Let me try.

It is annoying as fuck.

No, I can do better than that. Okay, essentially, you should never ever cause another person to 'lose face'. You should never embarrass another individual, cause them to look stupid or at all inferior and you should never embarrass yourself by losing your temper or going out of your way to question authority. I mean, it sounds easy because most nice people don't do these things anyway, but when this way of thinking manifests itself in the workplace, problems occur. Often.

In my first year of teaching it was mainly the case that I would never be told if I was doing anything wrong. My boss would hide complaints from me and never criticise my style. When I asked for help with my teaching I was told I was perfect. Prior to this my teaching experience amounted to 2 weeks in a Grade 1 class when I was 13 years old on work experience so a bit of feedback about where I was going wrong would have been extremely helpful. But this is not the way it works. To tell me I was making a mistake would have caused me to lose face. So I couldn't improve.

This year, the situation is slightly different. The new rule seems to be that giving us information would cause us to lose face. We don't get any. Honestly, I think it must be that to acknowledge myself and Matt (our school's other native teacher)'s inability to speak Korean would be to cause us to lose face and so they don't go to the effort to translate things for us. Or maybe they don't realise that we don't understand what's going on and need it translating. Or maybe they don't give a shit if we don't know stuff. Either way, it is becoming increasingly common that we are kept out of the loop, and sometimes about very important stuff. We've not been told that classes are cancelled until the point we should be in the class teaching them. We are constantly asked to sign papers without knowing what they are for. Just today, in fact, Matt and I were thrown into a classroom full of kids and their bloody parents and asked to help their home-room teacher with the lesson. Half an hour earlier we had been given a couple of sheets of A4 with something masquerading as English on it. That was our prep. It is a good job me and Matt are gifted improvisers otherwise the whole thing could have been a disaster.

We have to sit through a staff meeting every Monday even though it is all in Korean. We have to go out of our way to the Vice-Principal's office every morning in order to bow at her and collect a newsletter that we can't read. I've even heard of native teachers arriving at an empty school on a Monday or Wednesday or whatever, only to realise that it is a school holiday and that nobody informed them of it.

There are a million frustrating things about being an expat in Korea and the level of annoyance, for me, tends to go through peaks and troughs. Since I returned from Thailand, the land of eternal smiles, the little things that I previously dismissed as cultural differences have really started to grate on my fucking nerves. I am starting to wonder how much longer I can last in this country.

But, I know that in a short time it will be Spring, the cherry blossoms will be out, some complete stranger will do something kind for me and I will start to love this country again. I'm also sure that, come the Autumn, I will miss it when I'm gone.

But, if I do miss Korea once I've left, I certainly won't be telling anyone about it.

Wouldn't want to lose face now, would I?

Love, Smithy x

Bill Oh Really??

I recently spent a lot of my precious Wii-playing time attempting to upgrade our cable and internet packagee so that I have the required football channels in time for the business end of the season and the World Cup in the summer.

"Yes, Mr Andrew, you certainly have all the soccer channels," said my new best friend.
"Premier League and Champions League? I've heard they're on different channels?"
"Yes, Mr Andrew."
"Do you know my surname is Smith?"
"Yes, Mr Andrew."

Like a kid with a new toy, I woke myself at 4.45am last Wednesday to watch United demolish AC Milan at home, thanking my lucky stars that the cable lady's parents decided to pay for their daughter's glorious Hagwon education so that waegooks like me can watch the footy. At midnight on Sunday, however, I was surprised to see United's opponents Fulham being represented by an orange kit-wearing group of fellas calling themselves Wolves. Well, 왈브스 (Wol-be-suh). They were showing the previous game's highlights. The next day I made a phone call.

"I don't think I have the right channels on my cable packagee," I said.
"왜? I mean, why Mr Andrew?" she said.
"Well, I couldn't watch the game last night. They had the Wolves highlights on."
"Huh?"
"The Wolves game. The Wol-be-suh game."
"Wol-be-suh?"
"The wrong game. It was on SBS. I don't have SBS."
"But Mr Andrew, you do have S-uh B S-uh. It the basic channel."
"My Turkish friend had the game. I didn't have the game. He's a Liverpool fan. That's not fair."
"Huh?"
"I'll call you back."

I've still not got it sorted. It might have to be that I go to the bar for the League games and watch the Champions League games at home. Fine by me.

One of the other benefits of my new packagee is the addition of some English language news channels - CNN, BBC World News and the incredible Fox News. This has caused me a great deal of delight. I don't even click on BBC any more. It's Fox News all the way.

Now, I'm English. I was brought up on Trevor McDonald and Peter Sissons. The most outrageous thing to ever happen on a British news channel was letting a Welshman read it. This is why I find myself staring at the Fox News bulletins with my mouth hanging open, wondering if what I am witnessing is actually real.

It's all so dramatic! The news is reported like its a fucking action movie. It's all crazy graphics, amped-up reporters and horrific descriptions.

"And to confirm Janie, the victim's brains were leaking from her ear-hole, is that right?"
"Yes Kevin, that is correct I am standing here, inside the victim's living room and as you can see, on the table in front of me, is the residue from when the bullet exploded through the victim's skull. I guess you could say their mind is on other things, right Kevin? Back to you in the studio."

It's incredible, it really is.


And then, every now and then, I manage to catch one of the political commentators on the network like Glenn Beck or, if I'm really lucky, Bill O'Reilly. Ah, Bill O'Reilly. I've only really been aware of him through rappers mentioning him in songs but one night, after a late-night drinking session in Thailand, I happened to come across his O'Reilly Factor on the hotel's TV.

"Miss Canadia, look it's Bill O'Reilly!"
"Who?"
"You know, fuck Chuck Phillips and Bill O'Reilly if they try to stop hip-hop we all gon' rally! You know?"
"Shut up. I'm trying to sleep."

I truly love the guy. I mean, I disagree with every single word that comes out of his mouth, but that doesn't mean I can't love him. It's incredible television. Once, in a discussion about the problems medical marijuana patients might suffer when required to take a drug test at work, he said -

"But how would they be able to identify themselves? I mean, they'd have their little ID card but, you know..."

- and then carried on! Woah there, Bill! Slow down a moment! You just answered your own question there, sunshine.


Q: How would they be able to identify themselves?
A: Their little ID card.


He's the kind of guy that believes rap music is a threat to American children, if you need a reference point on him. He won't accept any kind of discussion on Obama's health care bill (or Obama in general, to be honest) and then somehow has the balls to declare himself an Independent.

But people lap it up. The man earns over $10m a year. He is - by some, I believe they are called racists - a respected journalist. Incredible.

In England he'd be hosting the Generation Game.

Love, Smithy x