The White Pele!

Excuse me a moment while I have a little feast on my own words.

Yum yum!

Okay, I never said he was a scumbag, per se. Oh I did? What? Ugly scouse scrubber?? Nooooooo, not me. Who??

Haha!!

And then he goes and signs a 5-year-deal. Well, what can I say? I stand by one thing in my last blog, Sir Alex Ferguson is a legend. Bringing Rooney back into the fold after such an extraordinary few days will go down as one of his most impressive man-management achievements. Rooney will now have to deal with going back into the dressing room at Old Trafford and looking into the eyes of players that he, not so subtly, described as 'not good enough' to challenge for the top trophies. He'll also have to walk out in front of the Old Trafford faithful, a group who loved him so dearly and he cruelly shunned in his statement on Wednesday night as he stated his desire to leave.

I also stand by the fact that his loyalty is not with United. He is clearly looking out for himself and was more than ready to move on for greener pastures when he felt that United wasn't the best club for him. He's a chav from Liverpool. He's obviously an unsavoury character. I think that is something we're going to have to accept with modern-day footballers.

But he is one of the best strikers in the world. United should have those players in their team. And the best thing about this saga for United fans, particular the Green & Gold brigade, is that Rooney's previous beliefs that we were unable to bring in the best players in the world have been changed in the last 48 hours after meetings with the Glazers and David Gill. Does that mean we are finally going to see money being spent? Are we going to see some investment in our present rather than a constant look to the future? Has Rooney been guaranteed the captaincy? Or has he simply been given a massive contract that will make him one of the highest-paid players in Europe? Maybe it's all of them. But it will be the former that will matter to United fans and the one that we will be praying to come true.

For now, Rooney will have to work had to win back the love and trust of the United fans. The only way to do this? Shut up, stop shagging prostitutes and whoring yourself out to the rest of the world, and start scoring goals again. Let's compete this season. If you're so enamoured with glory, get off your arse and go get us some glory! And then maybe you'll become Old Trafford's hero once again.

Is my tail far enough between my legs? Not as far as Rooney's, anyway.

Love, Smithy x