The Soh-ool Big Bus Drive Handabook

The congratulations!

You are pass the Soh-ool extra driving assessment test evaluation exam for the big bus and now you are the big bus driver! This handabook will be helping your driving style be the more better driving style of all the Soh-ool big bus drivers. If forget ever how to being Soh-ool big bus drivers, this handabook can assists you.
  • The first importantly is remember that every bus journey is the race. Being the Soh-ool big bus driver will more easily be when pretend big bus is the small car. Be the very fast driver. Do not slow down at the corners. Big bus moves most faster on the three wheels.
  • It is very mistaken to leave the space in front of the Soh-ool big bus because the free space in the Korea is for the rice-growing. So therefore, always be more fewer than 5cm from the Daewoo/Hyundai/Kia in front of you. If the car in the front is not the Daewoo/Hyundai/Kia then pretend it not there and try drive over it. Serve the very dirty man right for not buying the Korean car.
  • If you want to stop at the bus stop to collection the passengers then you can, but this is not the most importantly thing. Always be move. Remembering the race.
  • The Soh-ool big bus has the brake pedal made from the 6-inch steel. You must always use the two foots to stop the buses. If there is a red light ahead, be surely to do the extra hard on the brake pedal, especially if there are no cars close to you. This is extra importantly when there are person standing on the bus. A braking is more funny if a person fall down and will make you more happier in consolation prize if not be race winner.
  • The back mirror looking above your head is to check if any standing person on the Soh-ool big bus removes the hands from the bars to change the song on the iPod or send messagey on the handaphone. If the person has no hand on the bars, they fall over more easier. This is perfect time for extra braking or quickly starting. Either is the funny thing.
  • Never use the indicationing sticks next to the move-wheel. In the centre of the move wheel there is the loud button. Use this loud button to tell the Daewoo/Hyundai/Kia that you change the lane. Never do this before you change the lane, only after you start to change the lane. Remember you are the Soh-ool big bus. If you hit the small car, the Daewoo/Hyundai/Kia driver will only be the dead if they not eat the kimchi that day. If the car is not the Daewoo/Hyundai/Kia, you should always try and killing the driver.
  • From the time to time, the American foreigner will join the bus. The American foreigner will oftenly claim to be the Canadian foreigner, the English foreigner or the Australian foreigner. Forgetting this. They are the American foreigner. When the American foreigner joins the Soh-ool big bus, he may try to speak in the language that sounds like the Korean. It is not the Korean. Even if it sounds the perfect Korean for "Two tickets, please", you must ignoring this. The American foreigner only understands the finger point. Only give the American foreigner the two tickets if the American foreigner puts up the two fingers. Resisting to say 'Kimchi'. After the giving the American foreigner the two tickets then do the quickly starting maneuvering we mentioning before. The American foreigner falling over is the more funny thing than the Korean falling over.
Okay, you are now ready to go and driving the Soh-ool big bus. Remembering the soju for you pocket, and never forgetting the race!

The congratulations!


The Pollinatrix said...

This is hilarious. I read it aloud to my kids.

Postman said...

This is almost too true to be funny...but it still was. "It is very mistaken to leave the space in front of the Soh-ool big bus because the free space in the Korea is for the rice-growing" nearly made me suffocate. Well played, sir. Excellent dialectic writing. Every expat in Korea will be able to identify with the "Engrish" and the lead-foot, soju-pocketing tendencies of Soh-ool big bus drivers."

smorphie said...

I take it there's an inside joke here that I'm missing.

davecunning said...

Did you photocopy the Korean drivers test and call it your post? I think you plaguerized this blog.

Postman said...

Whether you did or not, Smithy, I don't care. I've nominated you for an award over at my blog. Go take a gander...