One Can Only Hope For More Erection Days

Summer has hit Seoul and the relentless battering of heat and humidity coupled with a plethora of outsized bugs will have me whinging until I leave in August. It's nice to have a change though. I've been whinging about the cold for long enough and then for a short period I could whinge about the yellow dust. Now it's the heat. I'm English, what can I say? We complain about the weather.

At least I'm still here though! No North Korean insurgents on the horizon just yet. Besides an increased military presence in the skies and a general feeling of unease for a few days last week, the furore over the Cheonan and the predictions of impending war have died down. There will surely be more to the story but if they can leave any more action until the end of August then I'd greatly appreciate it. If you're reading this, Kim Jong Il, hook a brother up will you?

I woke up yesterday to the news of a shooting spree in Cumbria by a Derrick Bird who seems to have been described by everyone who knew him as a nice, normal guy. He woke up one day, took a couple of guns that it would seem he legally owned, shot a few acquaintances and then drove around shooting complete strangers in the face with a shotgun. It's unbelievable. Cumbria is a beautiful part of England where I spent a lot of time while I was growing up and it sort of makes it more tragic that this happened in such a tranquil place.

I'm sure there will be uproar about firearm ownership in England just as there was after Dunblane in the 90s but the truth is, we have gun laws that we can be proud of. It is very, very difficult to get a gun in England and, save from going back in time to prevent the vile objects from ever being invented, there is not a great deal more the Government can do. You can't legislate against madness of the like that clearly took ahold of Derrick Bird. At least in England, if a person goes fucking mental for a day, the chances are he probably won't have a shotgun. In America, if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you can pop into Walmart and pick up a 12-gauge with your pancake mix. So in that regard, I agree with David Cameron. Although his lack of sincerity in his statement of 'grief' annoyed me a little bit and I think his comments on Cumbria's community spirit are a tad patronising. Stay down south you posh little mong.

In other news, Wednesday was election day in Korea which made for some interesting pronunciation errors by my co-workers and allowed me and the Canadian to take some kimbap and mandu down to Yongsan Park for a bit of a picnic. It was great to get out of the house and see some actual grass for a change (although I managed to burn my stupid ginger face in the 28° heat) and a mid-week day off might well be the way forward. Mr Kriska was saying yesterday that a 2-day on, 1-day off, 2-day on, 2-day off week might be the perfect work situation and I think he might be right. Got to go find me one of those.

I'm 25 tomorrow. My youth is over. Fantastic. All I've got to look forward to now is the onset of arthritis and the rest of my hair falling out.

Nah, I'm playing. I don't really care to be honest. My Canadian girlfriend is 42 or something so I'll always have that youthful jump on her. There have been a couple of exciting developments that I may mention later with regard to my near-future, but it would be a little premature to discuss them yet. Lets just say that at 25 I'm feeling fighting fit and ready to tackle the next chapter of my life. I've just got to avoid any nuclear bombs and giant dragonflies and get back to the safety of the UK, where people are apparently running around popping each other off like it's the bloody Wild West. Is there no hope...?

I'll be having fried chicken and beer tonight and then all-you-can-eat Brazilian steak tomorrow. Then I have to hit the gym on Monday. I'm getting old, you know?

Love, Smithy x


Mashlip said...

Happy birthday Smithster!!! A quarter of a century old...are you depressed yet?
I really really enjoyed reading this. I think I'm gonna use 'fluid' to describe it. It has a certain ease to it. I like it!

Postman said...

Happy Birthday, Smithy. Over a year ahead of me, ya geezer. No wonder your hair's falling out.

Hey, I'll bet there were parts of the Wild West that were nice and peaceful, where nobody ever killed anybody. Not too many, of course, but there must've been SOME places.

And I'll have you know that Wal-Mart makes you show I.D. before you can buy pancake mix with your shotgun.

Here's hoping Mr. Kim holds off on his nuclear holocaust until you skedaddle. Enjoy that mandu while you can. Here's to the next chapter of your life, old boy. Congratulations on making it this far.