The Hunt

There is something going on in Seoul that I like to refer to as the Hunt. There are, of course, two parties in this Hunt. The Hunters and the Hunted. The Hunted are the single indigenous female population of this peninsula.

And the Hunters?

Socially-retarded western fuckwits who come here in order to shag as many Korean girls as possible since they are clearly unable to get laid at home and consider themselves to be somewhat 'special' in this country. They believe that the meek and mild little local girls are going to swoon at the mere prospect of their giant Western penises and put aside the fact that they are ugly as sin, rude, obnoxious and, as mentioned, socially retarded.

I once knew a particularly pathetic individual who referred to this affection for Asian girls as yellow fever. Fucking yellow fever. Does that not turn your stomach? The poor soul had flown himself over to the other side of the world in order to fulfill his lust for the Oriental. Unfortunately for this idiot, he chose to position himself on a bar stool of a particularly seedy joint in Okpo and allow the barmaids to shower him with affection (he's the type of guy that believes strippers like him, if you need some perspective). And then, when he declared himself to be in love with one of these girls - who would only ever drink with him in that particular bar in which they worked, strangely -  he would be baffled and heartbroken by the fact that they wouldn't sleep with him.

In Seoul, the Hunt is much more aggressive. The number of Western men is very high and so the novelty factor is much lower. There is still a ridiculous number of men who come here simply to fuck a local or 5 though and the internet forums for expats in Korea are full of people asking for tips on how to chat up Koreans or how to deal with their, frankly insane, dating rituals. Here's one for example.

Disclaimer - I am allowed to use the word 'insane' because, when I lived in Geoje, I was the focus of attention of a little troll that I worked with called Naya (she looked like Ronnie Corbett). After spurning her advances she went mental and made life very difficult for me. On the basis of this singular experience, I am allowed to make sweeping generalisations about entire races. Okay?

I saw another thread once that said something like,
Okay, I'm sorry to bring this up on a public forum, but I'm really embarrassed about it (best to bring it up on a public forum then, eh, dickhead). I was about to have sex with my Korean girlfriend last night (these hunters always refer to their prey as their 'Korean' girlfriends. Why? I don't refer to Kendra as my Canadian girlfriend. I might start doing.) and she took one look at my cock and ran out of the room screaming. I'm just a normal guy with a normal cock. Why is she scared of it? Why are us Westerners cursed with such gigantic penises? Yes, I've got herpes, and yes, I'm in the middle of an outbreak but that can't be why she was scared of it, can it? It has to be the size. What should I do?

Okay, I might have exaggerated a little but that was the general gist of it. There are too many people here that think like this. It gives us nice guys, who have never wanted a K-girl as we decided early on that each and every single one must be mentally ill, a bad name.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine about this. She is a Korean lady of around 30 who has spent a few years getting routinely attacked by these vicious hunters. She said that she is scared of Western men in Seoul because they are so clearly after sex and that she is only comfortable socialising with me because she knows I have a Western girlfriend and am not one of these 'yellow fever' sufferers. Kendra's noticed it as well. The men who come here are, with far too high a frequency, just a little bit strange. This is certainly not true of all. I have met some extremely nice people and I'm sure I will continue to do so. But these people who come here with this idea in mind, and insist on shouting around about how many 'K's they've knocked off'. I don't know, it just makes me feel a bit sick.

Why corner your market so specifically? If you're such a playboy, why not fuck everyone?? There are Pakistanis here, all kinds of South Asians in fact. There are Russian girls here and ladies from all the 'Stans. There are Japanese and Chinese girls, Mongol girls and girls from the Philippines. If you're such a socially capable hunk with a french baguette in your pants then why not go nuts? Fuck everybody!

Oh yeah...that's right...you can't. Because you are socially fucking inept.

Go home.


Chris Forte said...

Very funny and very true. One thing I will say though is that an average looking western man will be more attractive (relatively speaking) in Korea than back home. I mean, even I had "handsome" shouted at me on a semi-regular basis in Korea. Christ, even you did and that was just the guys! I've not had the same reaction in any other Asian country. Here in Taipei i'm very much an average Joe again which keeps my feet on the ground. Korea is a weird place in terms of how they rate attractiveness, but I agree, the let's fuck an Asian crowd are a foul bunch.

Postman said...

Despicable. Yeah, I met a few of those guys myself. They were invariably fat, greasy bastards with eyeballs that always swung way too low when they were introduced to a woman. "Yellow fever," both exemplifies the short-sighted lechery of these creeps and turns any decent man's stomach.

'Course, unlike Mr. Forte, I was never attractive by Korean standards, so fortunately I was never tempted to fall in with that feverish crowd. It took me about 8 months to decide that Asian women were attractive anyway.

smorphie said...

That's awesome. So true. At least someone else sees it to...

The Pollinatrix said...

It's very hard to read this and not lose just a little more respect for the general western male population. What the heck is it with the obsession with Asian women anyway? Or maybe, I don't really want to know the answer to that.

J-Mao said...

The Western guys, especially the ones over 30, as a general rule, give me the damn willies.

Case in point: The lady and I were at a bar back in Okpo when we met an unattractive Norwegian shipworker and his reasonably attractive Asian girlfriend (not Korean, but one of the countries :::points and whispers::: "down there"). After a couple hours of solid drinking, food was in order, so we headed to the Turkish restaurant. The Norwegian Mer-man gets a call from HIS WIFE during dinner and spends a good portion of the rest of the meal defending his actions as though his wife and kids knew about all of this and were presumably okay with it.

But after dinner, and long after I sobered up, I began to think about the whole situation. What bothered me more? Was it the fact that this unattractive guy was obviously pulling one over on his wife, or was it that this Asian broad was using this really unattractive guy for his money? The answer is both and they probably happen much more than I want to know.

It's easy to fault a weirdo 40 year-old with no self-esteem/social skills for trying to shack up with a "native", but let's also not forget the "other Hunters" who are trying to use that guy for a "get out of jail free" card.

Anyway, people are dumb, hot chocolate is amazing, and let's talk about cheesesteaks.

Postman said...

Haven't had one of them in ages...cheesesteaks, I mean.

Anonymous said...

And the women's persepective arrives. Well, one woman, anyway.

One time, I was late meeting up with a friend, and he wasn't where we agreed to meet when I finally arrived. Thinking he might have ducked into a nearby pub for a drink while he waited, I stuck my head into the barrooms within view. I was new in Korea and "foreigner bar" meant just that to me. I went up a dark stairway and opened a door to find 10 or 12 young Asian women sitting on folding chairs in a dimly lit bar. They were dressed in lingerie and prom-type gowns. You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure it out, but their faces said it all as they looked up at me wordlessly. (I always make this story a comic one when I tell it at at parties -"They all had the same look on their face...'sister, he ain't here!'") What I really saw was the whole thing - their entire experience as women in this place and time. I saw everything I see in a young, strong animal chained three feet from a filthy wooden structure. I agree that there is avarice and malice to be found in those women. And it's ugly. I just don't think that's all there is.

And I have seen the foreign men, as well - long in the tooth, misfit, maladjusted. But I have come to a place where along with my recognition of their faults and criticism of their behavior, I'm willing to be honest about myself: having never experienced many of the struggles other people go through, it's easy for me to preach. I think the world can be a cold and lonely place for some, (although they may well have made it that way themselves, at least in part) and not everybody has the same resources - emotionally, psychologically, etc.- to cope with that. Rather than make this an excuse, it's a way, I think, to recognize that you, too, might one day be 63 years old, desperately lonely, and full of insecurities. Or 50 and making dumbass mistakes because you're an idiot. Or 24 and having far too much to drink on a regular basis.

Candice Cadran

lewis said...

Good post but, most of these guys are young men - what do you expect them to be doing after dark? What do you really think they'd be doing back home? The exact same thing - chasing women, Judd Apatow-style.

There are 2 kinds of teacher in Korea. Those who teach, and don't go out in the evening to drink. And there are those who teach, but do go out, and do get noticed because they're outdoors, in public (of course).

And think how cheap it is to drink and go clubbing in Korea...it's gonna tempt anyone to let their hair down often, with all the fun that entails (including any outcomes of a positive or negative nature, just like any country).