19.10.10

And Now, From Somewhere in Wales....


So much has changed since the last time I posted. And yet, nothing has really changed at all.

There are less Koreans here. Not no Koreans, just less Koreans. I was sat with the Canadian on the bus the other day, straining our ears to nosy in on the conversation of some vaguely East Asian-looking girls. It took us a while to identify the language. English, it was.

Welsh is the most bizarre language I have ever heard in my life. I wrongly assumed that it was an archaic language, spoken only in tiny hamlets between mountains. By sheep. Turns out it's spoken everywhere! My Canadian girlfriend even has to teach it! To give you an indication, it sounds like a room full of the most annoying people you have ever met, reading the Bible backwards to the tune of Auld Lang Syne. That's what Welsh sounds like.

Remember when I said I was going to be a freelance writer and part time drug dealer? Well, that didn't quite work out as I'd hoped. I'm not a very good drug dealer. Or freelance writer. Instead, I took a job at a marketing company. I'm not going to get into the specifics of what I do, but it is morally dubious and I'm quite good at it. No surprises there.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to let each of my 3 regular readers know that I'm back, the blog will be back up and running, and I will be bringing tedious and obvious satire to your lives on a weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, who-knows-how-often-to-be-honest, basis. There are many subjects that I'll be touching on in the immediate future. Rooney. The X Factor. Korea. The Canadian. The half-Windsor knot. Lasagne. For now though, I'll leave you with this question to ponder...

If everyone stopped watching the X Factor, Big Brother, How Clean is your Wedding and all the other varieties of the modern-day freak show; if we stopped buying the News of the World, Heat and all the other varieties of modern-day propaganda, designed to hypnotise us into stupidity; and if we started to concentrate on what is really important in life - love, family, happiness, medium-rare red meat - instead of worrying about all this other shit which is really none of our fucking business...would it ever not be funny that Justin Bieber is being investigated for knocking out some 12-year-old at a Laserquest?

I'm back...you miss me?

Love, Smithy x

7 comments:

Forte said...

If you aren't doing a course, why the hell are you in Wales.

ReturningWriter said...

"Fewer" Koreans. Not "less".

Smithy said...

Yo, returning writer, come criticise my writing when you do some writing of you're own. Your name should be ReturningPedanticGrammarPolice. Jog on, Horsfield.

Forte - A female.

Smithy said...

@ReturningWriter FUCK! YOUR!

Postman said...

Oh sure, just 'cause you're back in Europe means you suddenly have the right to spell "lasagna" with an "e," does it?

Heard Rooney's thinking of leaving Manchester United. Can't WAIT to hear your thoughts on that.

"...it sounds like a room full of the most annoying people you have ever met, reading the Bible backwards to the tune of Auld Lang Syne."

Only the best simile to come out of these web-pages since you compared Fox News's broadcasts to a "fucking action movie."

Quan said...

I'm intrigued as to these upcoming comments regarding the half-windsor. I've been consciously holding myself back from criticising your half-windsor at work =P

Maybe I'm just too old to appreciate something that pseudo-hip...

Quan said...

Oh, and kudos on bigging up the lasagne and rare red meat! Let's do dinner! ;)